I like reflecting back on my life when the rest of the world is asleep and I’m in my room alone on my phone typing away in the dark. Sometimes I feel upset, and worried about what my life has become or hasn’t become. It’s now the end of December of yet another year. Another year where I am still figuring out my life, and where I plan to go or to do in my life. It’s really difficult to sit and reflect back on the year in one sitting. I’ve been honestly thinking about this reflection for over two weeks now. I’m hesitant, and also scared for some reason.
Before going into 2018 I knew that this year was going to be a year of change. Mainly because that was the point I really realized I need to change my focus and go for something I’ve been interested in, and want to learn more about. Which led me to finishing my Marketing Certificate at the University of Toronto’s Continuing Education. I’m also almost done the Digital Strategy and Communications Certification. I started my blog in February and have learned so much from it since. I won’t talk about my experience since my 1 year anniversary’s coming up for my blog!
I’ve grown a lot this year and I’ve learned so much I can’t even begin to put into words how I feel about everything. Life at 25 years is not what I would have expected it would be like when I was 13. I never would have imagined the tremendous pain from the experiences of lives lost, nor would I have expected how much it would bring me closer to people who I am already so close to. This year I have dealt with the battles of my anxiety; though not as tough as it was the year before mainly because I have begun to understand it and have accepted it through the last few months. That’s not to say it wasn’t a difficult battle. This year I only accepted my anxiety for what it is. I understand that I cannot control it but I can take control over it.
I found myself to be very salty and judgmental. Said things about people that are honestly not in my place to say.
I found myself to be jealous of other’s success. Because I don’t find myself successful. I compared myself to others. After some self torture and realizations: Success comes easy to some. Especially those who do not work as hard. Yes we all must work hard to get our goals but some particularly more than others. It’s just how Life is.
If there’s one thing in my life I need to understand – if you want to be successful then stop making excuses. Stop letting them (and your anxiety) take over. Don’t think about the excuses your brain is generating just get up, get ready and go.
Sometimes I still wonder if I am doing everything right. I just feel lost. There is no right way, only what feels right. My dear lost one, I will not forget you but I will take this and show you that some day, it was for a reason that you were not found yet.
I found myself helping others that do not benefit me. I have to constantly tell myself when it feels too late to do things that will benefit myself or make me happy in the end. Is all that hard work and creativity being appreciated? Is it challenging you? Ultimately I have learned: Do not waste your time on people or things that will not benefit you.
This year has given me so much pain and suffering, that in 2019 I am ready to overcome it. I am ready to take myself to the stand in fighting for a better future. I am ready to do things that will thrive me. In 2019 let’s be ready to work towards the future that I want. Let’s stop being comfortable. Let’s find that job because being unemployed just SUCKS. Lets see Canada. Let’s see another country with him. Let me explore and learn more about myself that I still have yet to learn.
In shorter terms, this year brought on a lot of change, chances and pain. How did your year go? Let me know in the comments below.
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Pris Wong xo